Don't Touch · for Mac · armed

Go on.
Touch it.

Click anywhere. This is what my laptop does when a stranger does that.

↓ the story

Coffee goes in.
Coffee wants out.

I work from cafés a lot. And every single time nature calls I face the same dumb choice.

Option one: pack the laptop, the charger, the headphones, lose the perfect table by the window, and queue for the bathroom with a bag on my shoulder like I'm leaving the country.

Option two: leave everything on the table and do the fastest, most anxious bathroom trip of my life, picturing my unsaved tabs walking out the door under someone's arm.

I wanted a third option: a laptop that takes care of itself for four minutes.

So I built Don't Touch. You click Arm Now in the menu bar, the screen becomes a calm screensaver, and you go.
The Don't Touch setup window: “Go on. Step away.”, four PIN cells, a Save button and a camera switch, on a drifting aurora background The Don't Touch menu bar menu: Arm Now, Set Up…, Watch with Camera, Launch at Login, Quit
That's the whole app — it lives in the menu bar.

If anyone touches it, moves it, closes the lid or pulls the charger, the laptop loses its mind. Red screen. Siren. Full volume — even if they try to turn it down. And a voice with opinions: “Why you push me?” “This is MY spot.” “Somebody call the barista!” It keeps going until you come back and type your PIN.

It is not a lock. It's something much better in a café full of people: a very embarrassing thing to be holding.

Calm until it isn't.

Three moments. No account, no setup, no cloud — it never leaves your Mac.

Click Arm Now in the menu bar

You get three seconds to take your hands off. The screen fades into a slowly drifting aurora that looks like a screensaver. Menu bar, Dock and cursor disappear.

Someone gets curious

The laptop goes red, the siren starts, the volume is forced to 100 %, and between the siren bursts it says something new. It stays like that until it hears the PIN.

You come back

Just type your four digits — no field, no Enter. Everything fades away and you're back in the app you were using, volume restored, like nothing happened.

  • Any touch — keyboard, trackpad, mouse
  • Lid closed, opened or tilted
  • Charger unplugged
  • Being moved — the camera notices the whole picture shifting
  • Sleep — closing the lid on battery still wakes it up screaming
  • ⌘Q, ⌘-Tab, closing the window — blocked while armed

About the camera: it's optional, and it's built for cafés. It only reacts when the entire picture moves together — the way it does when the laptop itself is lifted or tilted. People walking behind you, someone sitting down at the next table, lights dimming: those only change part of the picture, and are ignored. Nothing is recorded or stored; the green light is on so everyone knows it's watching.

Things it says.

Each alarm draws a fresh line from the bag, shows it huge on the red screen and says it out loud. Hover over one.

Questions people ask.

Is this a laptop lock or anti-theft software?
No. It's a laptop alarm. It doesn't stop a determined thief; it makes grabbing your MacBook the loudest, most embarrassing thing anyone has done in that café today. For a four-minute bathroom break, that's the right tool.
Which Macs does it run on?
Any Mac on macOS 13 Ventura or newer — Apple silicon and Intel. It's a small native app, notarized by Apple, no installer.
Does it record anything with the camera?
Nothing is recorded, stored or sent anywhere. The camera is only used, while armed, to notice the whole picture shifting — which is what happens when the laptop itself is moved. People walking behind you don't trigger it. You can turn the camera off entirely.
What if I forget my PIN?
It's four digits you chose a minute ago, so it's rare. If it happens, hold the power button — the alarm is a deterrent, not a lock, and it's designed not to brick your Mac.
Can someone just turn the volume down or quit it?
While armed the app forces the volume back to 100 % every second, blocks ⌘Q, ⌘-Tab and closing the window, and keeps the Mac awake. Closing the lid on battery will put the Mac to sleep — and it wakes up screaming.
Why $5?
One coffee, once. No subscription, no account, no cloud — the app never talks to the internet. Your purchase link is personal: it's registered to you and works on all your Macs.

What does it cost?

One coffee.

$5, once. Keep it forever, use it in every café you'll ever sit in. No subscription, no account, no “pro” tier. I just want it to pay for the coffee that made it necessary.

Buy Don't Touch for $5

For Mac, macOS 13 or newer. You get the app right after paying. Questions? Poke me — gently.